Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
