If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
