you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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