I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
