Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
sex in a hospital.. check
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
