just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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