tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
