Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When are your genitals available?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
