Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
