I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
