is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
