i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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