I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
