Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
