I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
