see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
