dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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