If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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