I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize