also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize