if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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