HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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