Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
