Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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