Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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