you win again, gameday.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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