Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
