Kiss
Puke
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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