You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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