Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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