I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
