we have officially lost it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
