would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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