I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
