so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The air taste purple.
Randomize