Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
