why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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