you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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