so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
