my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
