There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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