Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
