so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
