Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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