1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
