i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
