I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just google imaged poop.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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