The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
