last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize