Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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