I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
