why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
