I wish life had little blips of pornography
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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