Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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