nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
