Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
