i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
