I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
