Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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