I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
