I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
