I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
