I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
