problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
