I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
