Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
