so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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