You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
