I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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