its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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